a foolish

well that time i got hit by a brainless driver, it gave me so much pain. and im super dissapointed with the fact that not a single person cared. well some people does, they even called me straight after class, ask about my condition, but i more dissapointed by the fact that, the person who did show an effort, wasnt the person that i thought they worried, they love, and they actually cared. i think that's the point. honestly, i just need a hug. pathetic? yes. but i really am. i just cant stand it anymore. i want to cry.

speaking about that jerk, i think, well,, every relationship would literally goes to this phase. where theres nobody hanging. its not that i dont want to but idk my whole mind, body, and soul rejected it. i know that we've been through many great things, but its a different story when our boat is leaking, when the love is rot and rot every single day. i dont want to cry, i dont want to think about it anymore.

i keep on wandering, am i wrong for wanting more thoughtfulness? like everyone shows me how much they cared?

well i've met a gaming friend guy whose coincidentally, his house is in front of my university. Good look, well built body with a slick back long hair. fleshy one. that.... i think he catch my interest a bit. Cause... duh, who can resist a smart and funny man? Really? he said that "you know what? you're actually perfect. you're smart, regal, you like the nature, you loved every animal (maybe cause he saw me playing with my friend's cats, bird, and cicada), your voice is amazing, you cooked well, you make a great cake (maybe cause i cooked all of my friend a fried rice, but hein... it's just a fried rice how can u tell a person is good at cooking for a fried rice? lol. and I gave my community a cupcake), and you can play guitar (dammit, i actually sucks). its so nice to know you, please post something to the group so i can add you." he was insane. but his words.. make me think that:

ive been a fool for still loving a man even after years he dumped me. so this time i'll have to be clever enough to not to give a single fuck to a lousy heartless dickhead who act like he got nothing that cross his mind to solve any problem, like ANY problem. he doesnt even seemed to care or even trying to made up. im not ugly, im not stupid, and yet i can do anything well. surprising for me the fact that i dont even care right now. its like im a different person cause.. didnt give a fuck, definitely not my jam.